August 30th, 2011: Skylar's One Year Anniversary With His Forever Family

I'm so far behind on blogging - about 3 months behind, so I'll attempt to catch up. . .

August 30th 2011 was Skylar's one year anniversary with us, his Forever Family. As a family we have all come a very long way. During this time I reflected on our difficult beginnings with Skylar. . .

In 2010 we traveled to China to meet our son, and on August 30th 2010 we were blessed to be able to see him face to face. While this was one of the happiest times in my life, it was also one of the saddest and most difficult.

You know, we were fully prepared for a child that was grieving, a child that might reject us. DH joked prior to leaving for China that he just knew Skylar would immediately bond with me, not him. We tried not to have any expectations, except to love our son.  However, a lot of things happened during our first days and weeks with Skylar that we weren't expecting. Some good and some not so good. I've listed these things so that if we do adopt again I'll remember the high points and low points of our journey. Also, for those out there still going through the process you'll know you're not alone, and that in the end there is a happy beginning.

So, this my list of what I did not expect, some good, some not so good.

• A child that was violent and aggressive. He spit, bit to the point of bringing blood, kicked, screamed, cried, broke things, had a melt down 20 times a day, and tried to run away. I expected grieving, but not aggression and violence. There were times when I just sat on the floor holding him so he wouldn't hurt himself or us. I understand that everyone grieves differently, especially a toddler, but I've never seen grief translated into such aggression.
• My own grieving for and with my son. I was so stressed and overwhelmed that I had trouble hiding/holding back my own tears. And, I am NOT the type that cries easily.
• Little support from the other adoptive family while in province, which is where we had the most difficulty.
• Complete support and compassion and love from our Chinese guide/interpreter, Helen. What a Godsend! She truly understood our distress and readily stepped up to the plate to help us. 
• How much my lifelines back to the states helped me when I was most distressed! There were two adoptive mothers in particular that sent e-mails with words of encouragement and comfort while we were in China. And, they did so with positive thoughts and without criticism. One mother has adopted a child from China and another mother who has adopted children from Guatemala. You know who you are and THANK YOU!
• Since we have been back in the states Skylar has completely refused to speak Chinese. If you ask him what any word is in Chinese he states; "I can't know".
• If someone speaks Chinese to him he shuts up and shuts down. 
• He also won't/can't answer any questions regarding his life in China.
• We Skyped with his Foster Mama and people from his foster neighborhood in Liaoning Province. It seemed as if he didn't know who they were, and refused to interact with them. He refused to say anything at all and tried to run away from the laptop and Skyping session.
• There were children with him in his Foster Family's home, but when we show him pictures of these children and ask him their names he says "I don't know them". But, when asked if he was happy and safe with this Foster Family he says "yes" with a great big smile.
• For the 1st year Skylar asking constantly; "You won't let anyone take me, will you?" His fear seemed to increase when we would have a special celebration, or travel. His fears were especially great while visiting Disneyworld. At one point during our visit he abruptly asked me if he was going to another family. This just broke my heart to hear these words, and know the fear and uncertainty that must have been going through his toddler mind. We were there to celebrate his birthday and he thought he was being sent away.
• Now Skylar asks what took us so long to find him. He wants to know why we didn't come get him when he was a baby. So, his Daddy tells him you were a really good "hider". Skylar's response to that is I wish I hadn't been afraid of you and let you find me sooner.

That was then (day one):

This photo was taken on August 30th, 2011 while Skylar was

waiting for his Forever Mommy and Daddy to arrive.

This is now:

Just look at this beautiful, happy, joyful face!

I think this photo says it all.  :)

On August 30th, 2011 we were blessed to celebrate one year with our Skylar. He has come so far! We have come so far as a family! Our social worker, Mrs. C, was amazed at the changes in our little boy.

This is Skylar with Mrs. C, our wonderful social worker. :)

Skylar's wonderful, caring, and endlessly patient Kindergarten teacher, Ms. B helped us celebrate his Forever Family Day. We took gummy bears and juice boxes for the class. Ms. B celebrated by giving him a crown and a Mickey Mouse button/ribbon. She also discussed with the class where Skylar was born, adoption, and what a Forever Family is. She had all of these discussions without any prompting from us. The class was very receptive to the discussion and I feel it helped open doors of understanding for the children as well as their parents. Because, you know the children went home and told their parents all about it. Ms. B is such a Godsend!

Skylar wearing the crown and ribbon given to him by Ms. B

at his special Mommy and Skylar visit to our favorite gelati shop.

We are so proud of our Skylar. He really is a bright, funny, witty, silly, handsome, confident, gregarious, lovable and loving, vivacious, and affectionate little boy. He is fluent in English, has memorized the alphabet, is trying to read, is rhyming words, and can count to 30 (with a little coaching). He is an amazing little boy and we are so proud to call him our son!